Royalty, Rebellion, and Really Bad Tailors
PB
Another day, another strange turn in this wet land. My shell’s still damp, but my axe arm is ready. (Always!). We left that Balloon Factory – a place full of dust and ash, now that we put out those pesky fires. As we went, we heard a commotion by a bridge (I hate bridges…). Sounds like someone was having a chat with the dead.
And indeed they were. A creature, (little thing, barely three feet) with lobster claws and a gourd for a head – a fellow called Clapperclaw. He was talking to the pike-heads on the bridge. B and I, quick as always, spun a tale about us being from “Neither,” a place far, far away. This Clapperclaw was a strange one, a spy apparently, punished by Agdon Longscarf, the leader of those Harengon bandits we dispatched earlier, who took his real head (poor fellow, glad I can hide my head in my shell if needed) and gave it to that hag, Bavlorna, as tribute. B, bless his busy little mind, asked if we could help him get his head back. Clapperclaw said if he had his head back, he could go back to Tither (back home for him). Turns out he’s on the run from that hag, Skabatha Nightshade, and he told us he used to make her sneeze by running widdershins. I like a creature who can cause trouble for a hag.
The heads on the pikes were Bullywugs, severed and complaining (like a bunch of old “cracked shells”). King Gobblegulch the Fifth, Queen Moistwart the 19th, Queen Bloodspew the 3rd, King Dribblepot the 9th, and King Mullob the 16th – a right mess of royal deaths. Stabbed, boiled in oil, and all of them hating each other. They all agreed the new king, D. Gullop the 19th, was a fool. We asked about Duke Ickrind, and they just croaked “WHO?” Good to know who’s important to no one.
We marched past and found the current king, D. Gullop the 19th, sitting under a gazebo, surrounded by soft pillows and nobles (I’d love a sit on a pillow…). We weren’t announced properly, so suddenly we found ourselves rushed and surrounded by knights, asking for our titles. A gave a long one, as he does (he’s more funny than he lets on). Then, a quick flash – a noble with a pointy hat and a red feather, dagger in hand, stabbed the king! Just - stabbed him… “Long live Blackcroak the 2nd!” he bellowed. And like that, a swift change of power, like a rockslide. Court politics in Downfall seems about as stable as stew left out in the rain.
Blackcroak the 2nd seemed disappointed we were “humble adventurers.” He wants to be generous though so doesn’t seem all that bad, but his first order of business is his coronation. He says he can help us find what we’ve lost, even A’s hand, once he’s settled. He’s got problems too though, Merrow and Harengon Bandits. A told him we already took care of the Harengons (Wish he’d said that using that nifty scarf he claimed - would’ve been epic). That got us named junior level “Royal Investigators and Problem Solvers.” (Problem solvers means more fighting - good). He warned us about “Loyalists” – nobles who might betray him. We’ll have to keep our eyes open. He also mentioned that he has Bavlorna’s Big Bad Book of Bad Blood in his possession. Sounds like something we could definitely use.
He pointed out four sneaky nobles who he doesn’t trust, thinking they might try to overthrow or kill him: Duke Ickrind (balloon factory boss), Lady Squelchtoe (royal advisor, now missing), Duchess Vulvamp (animal trainer, looks like a toad herself), and Baron Slimetongue (royal tailor, a new and suspicious one). We’re to find them.
I received a goblet with a note in some language I can’t read so handed it off. Apparently it was in Sylvan: “Find Baron Illig of Muckstump – the revolution is alive.” More to do. Duke Ickrind himself was shifty, muttering about giving “presents to his friends” and shouting out how great the new ruler is.
We moved on to the prison. Two paths before us—one to the Soggy Court proper, guarded by a bullywug and a chained crocodile. The other to a run-down hut that stank of mildew and secrets but with a giant stormcloud balloon behind it. That was the prison. Inside, Sir Mugwort—former knight, now prisoner. I called out to her. She sprang up when she heard King Gullop was gone. Said she helped Sir Talavar escape. Seemed proud of that, and I liked her for it. B even talked about her piloting again. I opened the unlocked door and released her – an unlocked door, imagine that. She told us she couldn’t leave though unless there were official orders…(sigh, seems silly). Off I ran back to Blackcroak and look! We’re “actually” investigators now. Junior Grade. Official writ and everything.
The balloon behind the prison was a strange sight, Wonderous Wares and Fair Fares, run by two dark figures, Trinket and Bauble. Sold weird junk: pie with bite marks, firewood, enchanted monocle that cost either the color of your eyes or the rhythm of your steps. I kept my eye color, thank you very much. They just want us to lose something. Said they work for Charm, and Charm works with Bavlorna. A asked how Charm crossed the fog. Trinket said she walked. Or took a boat. (Helpful -_-)
Sir Mugwort told us Baron Illig has a hut in the southern part of Downfall. She laughed when we asked about rebellion. (Good laugh. Croaky.)
We headed for the Royal Palace next. Packed with courtiers in stained clothes, the place smelled like wet moss and old perfume. Upstairs, one noble was dressed like he thought fashion was a weapon. Baron Slimetongue. Very green. Too green. He did look fairly miserable. B tried to say hello, but the tailor was all about our clothes and didn’t like how we were dressed (nothing wrong with my shell…). He didn’t have bells for F, but wanted to put a powdered wig on her! And paint A green! Started painting him before A slipped away with a “skin condition” excuse. (Clever. I’d have headbutted him). I somehow ended up with a giant ruffle.
We took the ferry south, aiming to find Baron Illig before anything else. A busy day. Many new faces, many old complaints, and a good bit of backstabbing. Just another day in the feywild.